Original Paragraph:

Langston Hughes uses imagery and rhyme scheme in his poem “Harlem” to illustrate how a dream deferred can affect someone. The first simile appears in the second line and it says, “Does it dry up/ like a raisin in the sun?” This simile is saying that a postponed dream can dry up and eventually be gone for ever. Another simile in the poem is the last stanza and it says, “Maybe it just sags/ like a heavy load”. A deferred dream can hang over you, it can become something that never leaves you and something that is never accomplished. Hughes’ rhyme scheme also plays an important role in developing the idea of a dream deferred. The rhyme scheme is ABCBDEDFGG. This rhyme scheme places emphasis on certain words, such as “sun” and “run”. Through imagery, Hughes demonstrates the emotional destruction that can result from the postponement of one's dreams.

Revised Paragraph:

Langston Hughes employs imagery and rhyme scheme in his poem “Harlem” to illustrate how a dream deferred can affect someone. Hughes first uses a simile which appears in the second line and it says, “Does it dry up/ like a raisin in the sun?” Hughes is asking the reader a question and implying that a deferred dream dries up when it is forgotten about. Hughes uses many similes throughout his poem and he finishes his poem with this one, “maybe it just sags/ like a heavy load”. A deferred dream can hang over you, it can become something that never leaves you and something that is never accomplished. Hughes is trying to encourage the reader to never give up on their dreams and follow through with them no matter what. Hughes’ rhyme scheme also plays an important role in developing the idea of a dream deferred. The rhyme scheme is ABCBDEDFGG. This rhyme scheme places emphasis on certain words, such as “sun” and “run”. Through imagery, Hughes demonstrates the emotional destruction that can result from the postponement of one's dreams. 

WHY?

After our class discussion, i decided to change a few things about my paragraph. The first thing I did was to substitute for the word "use" because it is so vague. I also added in more support/explanation of my quotes and added added a few words in order to make my paragraph "flow" more. I think my first paragraph was really rough and kind of choppy, but I think after a few revisions it sounds pretty good.